What’s the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone? Obviously love in a romantic relationship is going to differ from the love and bond of a parent and child. The general idea of being in love is unconditional acceptance of one’s partner.

Being in love is one of the most sublime things a person can experience. It’s easy to fall into and hard to fall out of, it’s stupid and beautiful all at one time. It serves as an escape, an escape from reality, an escape from unease. Love consists of so many things. It’s inside jokes, secrets shared, it’s timeless, and most importantly it’s acceptance.

But guess what? It’s also an illusion. It’s attachment, it’s constant interaction, it’s vulnerability, it’s doubt, and worst of all it’s heartbreak. Love is way too often associated with the desire of it. It’s like an object, it’s something people crave. They crave this desire of being in love. However, that same desire and actually being in love are two completely different things. The desire is something that appears to be love but isn’t. It can definitely exist without love actually being present.

The presence of your significant other that you start to long for turns into an absence of content. It’s almost as if you need them to be around to feel satisfied. That just sounds detrimental.

Yet, on the other hand people describe the person their in love with as their “other half,”  or they “don’t feel complete without them.” They are okay with feeling like a part of them is missing when their significant other leaves. Maybe that’s apart of what love truly is. Maybe, love happens to be somewhat damaging and people are just willing to take that risk because of the importance of the person they are in love with.

So, how do you know if you just have love for someone or you’re actually in love with them? I guess you just know. Deep down, that gut feeling lets you know. The feeling you get when you see or think about them will let you know. A feeling that isn’t solely based on lust, but actual compassion, warmth and fondness.

It’s hard to come across real love that’s genuine and not toxic. It involves attachment and constant interaction that can eventually become poisonous if you let it, and that’s what makes it so rare. Love involves purity and respect, but many people either don’t want or have what it takes to sustain that.

At the end of the day “love” and “being in love” are discrete. One of the two is harder to find. Make sure you know the difference between having love for somebody and actually being in love with them. It will save a lot of time that is normally wasted trying to turn a fairy tale into reality.