Christmas. The holidays. Enjoying time with family. But killer Santa? That, the world can probably go without. This holiday season, sit back, relax, and enjoy these twisted holiday specials.
“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” (1964) – Hailed as one of the worst movies of all time, this cheesy B-picture is the epitome of classic terrible holiday movies. The movie centers around the Martian people, who have a serious problem on their hands. The children of Mars have become addicted to watching television transmissions from Earth, especially the annual interview with Santa Claus. The adults consult Martian wise-man Chochem, who says the only way to help the children is to let them have fun amidst the rigid Martian social structure. A crew of Martians including Kimar (the king Martian), Voldar (the Martian who’s secretly evil), Dropo (the comic relief), and others who no one remembers, set out to capture Santa and bring him to Mars in order to bring the happiness the children need. The film is as convoluted as it sounds, and fully deserves its worst movie status. But if you look past the awful special effects and stale acting, one can actually relish in the silliness. However, I recommend the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” lampooning of the film, which actually beats the original in terms of quality, and laughs.
“South Park: Red Sleigh Down” (2002) – The two “South Park” themed Christmas episodes are as crazy as the show has been all these years. The first is a parody of war movie “Black Hawk Down,” where Eric Cartman, the main antagonist of the series, convinces Santa to bring Christmas cheer to Iraq, so he can atone for all the bad things he’s done this year to get a Christmas present. The plan goes awry, as Santa is subsequently shot out of the sky by the Iraqis and made a prisoner. Protagonists Stan and Kyle then recruit the help of Jesus to free Santa from his captors. The political satire in this is evident considering it was made at the height of the United States making plans to invade Iraq. And the controversial humor of Santa and Jesus being partners tackles the religious versus secular debate a lot more efficiently than most religious historians.
“South Park: Woodland Critter Christmas” (2004) -The second “South Park” Christmas special is a farce of many other Christmas specials, as it is conducted in a rhyming narration and a storybook like telling. The story begins as Stan discovers a group of talking animals in the forest called the Woodland Christmas Critters. They show up in his room later and say that one of the animals is pregnant with their “Savior.” Stan agrees to build a manger for the baby to be born. Later, to his horror, the Critters tell him that they are Satanists and their savior is actually the Antichrist. The Critters now must find a human host for the Antichrist. The host must be a non-baptized, non-Christian, and they kidnap Kyle, who is Jewish, to suit their purposes. The two holiday themed episodes represent the best of out of the box Christmas specials. This one is even more edgy and at times more disturbing than Red Sleigh Down, and the irony of having the evil Critters being cute and cuddly is clever. It also has one of the most surprising turn of events in any “South Park” episode to date.
“Silent Night, Deadly Night” (1984) – What’s now looked at as a cheesy slasher movie from the 1980’s was once one of the most controversial movies of the decade. It centers around a young boy named Billy Chapman, who witnesses his parents’ murder at the hands of a deranged man in a Santa suit. Years later Billy is now 18, and one of the nuns helps him get a job at a toy store. As Christmas approaches, Billy recounts the story his Grandfather told him while in a mental institution. Santa brings presents for the good, but also punishes those who are bad. After he finds his co-worker attempting to rape another female employee, he hangs him with Christmas lights. Billy then develops his own deadly form of justice, by dressing up as Santa and punishing those who sin. While it seems more of a deranged vigilante tale than a straight up slasher flick, it was still much more controversial than other horror films of the 80’s for one reason only. Because the killer is dressed up like Santa. It was condemned by critics, picketed upon release, and eventually taken out of the cinemas a little more than a week after it was released. Due to the controversy, the film did moderately well at the box office,but in an age where slasher flicks have gotten edger and gorier, it’s no surprise this movie is outdated. It may appeal to slasher fans as classic, but in terms of shelf life, the concept isn’t fresh anymore.
“A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All!” (2008) – Political satirist Stephen Colbert stars in this holiday special that aired on his shows home station of Comedy Central. Colbert is on his way to shoot a Christmas special with Elvis Costello, but becomes trapped in a cabin in “bear country” and hears a prowling bear outside. Many of his friends stop by the cabin, including Toby Keith, Willie Nelson, Jon Stewart, and others, to sing Christmas songs with him. Meanwhile, Stephen tries to find ways to escape the cabin, and get to the Christmas special as soon as possible. The songs are clever and humorous, and they are ones you remember. The album that was released won the Best Comedy album at the 2010 Grammys. However, I think that the special would not have worked if it had been released on CD format only. While the production values are low, the kitsch outweighs that, so you don’t really care about it while you’re watching. Colbert’s attempt at a holiday special succeeds at bringing holiday spirit and humor to the masses.
